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Penis Enlargement Cream

Now here's someone who has most likely never needed to utilize any form of penis enlargement cream, a guy known for his "naturally ample" display of manhood...Mr. John Holmes.

Legend of adult screens, John Holmes was reported to have one of the largest documented penises on record. A fact undisputed...especially by those who happened to have seen his "performances"

I'll admit it though right here and now...although I'd give my eye tooth, my baseball card collection with my Roberto Clemente rookie card and my autographed pair of underware from the original Bozo the clown to be as large as him ... I'm no Johnny Wad.

I've tried most of the penis enlargement methods known to man short of attaching myself to a taffy pulling machine and even that has crossed my mind at certain points in time. You name the penis enlargement method and I've probably tried it.

"Here's Johnny"

Then I saw this ad...for a penis enlargement cream product.

Now...I'm not a stupid man nor am I very gullible...

And no, I do not have lollipop written all over my forehead. However, the ad was pretty convincing I must say.

"Experience the maximum size you can be with our scientifically tested, approved and endorsed male enhancement cream. Simply apply the cream twice per day for maximum and quickest size gains."

Of course I'm no idiot....I checked closely for a guarantee.

"If you're not satisifed with the results of this penis enlargement cream, simply contact us for a refund."

"That's Mr. Thick to You"

"Sweet" I thought to myself...I can use the product under the ruse of actually testing it out for the website. In addition, I'll increase penis size, be the envy of Enzyte Bob (and Bob's homely wife) and be able to literally stagger through the YMCA lockeroom with all of the confidence of a custodian. I wasted no further time in my pitiful existence called a joke of a life and ordered the product over the phone.

I spoke with Drew and Jim about my plans asking them to refer to me by my new nickname, "Mr. Thick Dick" and could I possible change my pen-name to that as well. I'm still waiting for their reply to my memo.

The package arrived within 14 days and man I was excited. I was looking forward to this dry run since day one...and I was quick to the start.

I felt like a fine-tuned athlete who had spent his life prepairing for his big day, his crowning achievement. I cracked open the cellophane protective cover (which ironically had already been cracked open) and unlike my Grandpa, who believed that Brylcreems' slogan that "a little dab will do ya"...I squeezed out almost a quarter of the tube into my hand.

I proceeded to slather the goo all over my "devil's playpen" region following the directions exactly. When finished...I sat there waiting to feel something with my pants around my ankles, two greasy hands and the consequent inability to hold my coffee cup or run without tripping in case of a fire.

Next article installment...you'll get my results and what went wrong with my penis enlargement cream test.