We receive numerous letters about all sorts of things...
Today, we post online the answer to a letter from a young housewife catching her man masturbating.
Dear 4-Men.Org: I am a twentysomething woman who recently got married. I love my husband dearly and our intimate relationship seemed to be fine. However, an incident occurred that I just can't get over. Late one night after watching television in another room, I walked into our bedroom and discovered my man masturbating.
In other words, my husband was taking care of his "needs" himself. I ran right out of the bedroom, extremely embarrassed and shocked, because it was totally unexpected and made me feel I wasn't enough to fulfill his needs. (I had been previously told by my hubby that he did that sort of thing only when I was "out of commission" for a week or so once a month.)
Afterward, when I tried to let him know how I felt about male masturbation, he told me that it didn't have anything to do with me, it just "feels good" and that I "would never understand." That may be true, but it still hurt my feelings and I have repeatedly tried telling him so since the incident. Now I'm afraid to go into our bedroom when he's in there by himself. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Dazed and Confused Newlywed
Dear Dazed:
If this were Victorian England, it would be understandable that you fled the bedroom after finding your husband engaged in the shame of self-abuse which is politely medically called masturbation.
Since it's not, and all he was doing was going solo ... and you say he's not withholding sex from you ... you're beating this to death.
He's right, it's not about you, he's just a young guy who's overflowing with sexual energy. However, there is research he should be aware of concerning over masturbation.
You, too, are young but inexperienced and perhaps by nature a little prudish. On top of that, you've probably been raised around and believed in the mythological myths of masturbation.
One of the great delights of marriage is that it is a safe and loving place to experience easy intimacy with another.
Instead of making this unexpected encounter one of horror and humiliation, why not use it as a lesson that you need to be more open to your husband? To help you get there, go to When A Man Makes Love.Com and begin to understand your sexuality a little better.
And for goodness' sake, don't be afraid to enter your own bedroom.
Maybe next time for once ... you can offer to give your husband a hand.
We receive numerous letters about all sorts of things...
