The alarm clock buzzed and I plopped out of bed. Stayed up way too late looking for porn and trying to figure out how to close all of those damn boxes that keep popping up. But I had to get ready fast...
My best friend Vic is getting a vasectomy today and I had to drive.
For many men the decision not to have (more) children is an easy one to make. But taking action to ensure that it doesn't happen is easier said than done.
As I drove to pick him up, I'm recalling the telephone conversation we had two weeks ago.
Vic calls me at home and tells me the story. Actually it was his wife who suggested it about three weeks ago. They had three kids (one of each) and she was through. She wouldn't take the pill and Vic hated to wear condoms so..she suggested if he wanted to exercise his husbandly duties, he would take matters into his own hands.
I get to his house. I honk the horn. . .and out he comes, looking around like a chicken at the corner of a KFC. I greeted him with our normal greeting. "Hey Vic, how's it hanging?"
Nothing. No answer back. Just silence. "Hurry up and go before I change my mind" he tells me. So off I drive.
We end up at the local doctors medical office complex in town and we go in. Vic's nervous, sweating actually. . .I've never seen him nervous before. "You know Sam, this is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I feel like I'm loosing a part of myself or something".
I could only imagine the feeling.
"You know Vic. . .before you go in there you need to decide if she's worth it. . .you know I've never really liked her."
"Vic, the doctor is ready to see you" the receptionist yelled.
Vic tells me to come into the office with him. I reluctantly obligue but I told him once the zipper goes down I'm back out here in the waiting room reading last years GoodHousekeeping.
I'm a nosey sort. We get into the room and I'm looking through drawers, cabinents, playing with the blood pressure cuff because I'm not the one who's hoping and praying his surgeon isn't a samarai.
In comes the doctor. "You know doc, my friend is very nervous. Are you sure he needs to get this done." He places the chart down on the table and looks up at me through some very thick glasses. When the light shined down on them he reminded me of the guard in Cool Hand Luke. . .the Man with no eyes.
"Some men choose to have themselves permanantly sterilised with an operation called a vasectomy. It is a small operation but can have big implications. Obviously your friend and his partner have discussed the issue together and reached a conclusion. If feelings change later it is diffucult or impossible to reverse the operation. And, as with all sexual matters there are emotional and practical issues to consider as well as the clinical aspects of the procedure."
The procedure, he went on to explain was a relatively minor surgery to tie the 'tubes' (vas deferens) of a man to cause permanent sterility. Tying the tubes prevents sperm from getting out of your testicles. This surgery does not affect the man's ability to enjoy sex, achieve orgasm or ejaculate. There will still be a fluid ejaculated, but there will be no sperm in this fluid.
"Kinda sounds like buying an jelly doughnut with all of the jelly taken out".
With that, the doctor asked me to leave the room.
20 minutes later, out limps Vic clutching an ice bag against his groin. We go out to the car and head home.
I couldn't wait any longer
"Well. . .tell me about it!"
"After a few days he said to masturbate every other day. He also told me to not have sex until I come back in 4 weeks to have my semen checked to make sure it took. He first numbed me which wasn't too bad. Then he made a small incision on the side. He said I might feel a slight pull. I didn't. What I felt was as if I was in a groin kicking endurance contest and lost on the first try."
A few weeks later, Vic tells me he's got a clean bill of health and he now has the OK to have sex without fear of causing a pregnancy. He's noticed a slight pain though most times when he ejaculates. He doesn't have a clue as to why.
Ahhh. . .my next mystery to solve.
sam Fields - Men's Health